Todd

"Cezanne's embrace of the blank canvas-his decision

to let the emptiness show through-was his most radical invention"

Jonah Lehrer

"Proust was a Neuroscientist"

Commenting on Cezanne's Mount Sainte-Victoire Seen from Lauves painting.

It is really early in the morning here in Park City Utah. The snow covered canyons have produced more works of art than I have seen for a long time. I am used to the rugged California coastline and the timeless expanse of the deserts that frame Los Angeles. But this beauty is breathless.

Why am I here? Nine of us have slipped away from the thriving throb of Southern California at the invite of our mutual friend Todd Proctor. It is his 50th birthday and his wish was to celebrate with friends in one of the spaces on the planet that best refreshes his soul - the land covered in the ever changing canvas that a winter's week can so tirelessly paint.

It is a motley crew really. A Canadian (whom you would want in the trenches with you, no matter what the fight), a Londoner (whose endless source of humor hides his quiet introversion, making him even more likable), 2 South Africans (one who came here as a child, who slips easily through his culture connects and who knows "everyone", and then, yours truly) and the other 4 friends, the absolute best that So Cal has produced.

I cannot dare to represent all of these men and the compelling nature of their relationships that so eloquently speaks of when and how their friendship with Proctor started. But two words reflect the love that has threaded Proctor and my paths into one.

Humility - allow me to refresh your memory, I met Todd after the Father clearly called me to become Todd Proctor's friend. Of course it would be audacious and foolhardy to simply walk up to a man I had never met and tell him that. So I asked a mutual friend to set up a lunch. In the meanwhile I found a Rock Harbor magazine that was put out annually to find a picture of him. Sadly to no avail, there was no picture by the fire with him and Lisa. There was no team picture with him clearly front and center, in fact I could not even find an article written by the Lead Pastor.

Well, that blew me out the water. I came from the Alpha male, A type personality leadership model, that demands a front and center approach including controlling the microphone from the stage. Here was someone and something else. Reader I was truly disorientated. The fact that he was the leader of a mega-church (a few thousand when I first met him), who only taught around 3 times per year, was way outside my lens of leadership understanding. When the sacred text reads "God gives grace to the humble", that was the only thing that made sense to me.

As the worship leader he pastored this huge church from behind the keyboard in a deep and intimate way. I love worship leaders who invite you into their private worship space. They are not performers of a worship set crafted before hand. These are special psalmists. They worship and you simply cannot help but get drawn into their Jesus encounter. It is compelling. It is authentic. It is transformative.

His humility leaked through even in our times together. I was trying so desperately to understand the cultural context that I were ministering into, yet our lunches were combat zones of who could ask the next question. Mega-church pastors are always ready to tell their story especially loaded with stats. Proctor was not 'that guy'. He was hungry to learn, never assuming his success was the fount of all knowledge.

Curiosity - Rarely do we really know what our gift set is. I think we will only really know our gifting, when we look back over our shoulders at the fruit of our labor. Todd Proctor has an insatiable curiosity to know what God is doing around the world. This prophetic curiosity has galloped his air-miles. He simply cannot accept what is, to represent all that can be.

I remember taking him to meet with a small group of 30 church planters from around Europe, in Watford, England. To be honest, I was not sure he would even join us. He was used to leading worship gatherings in stadiums, leading a mega-church and be in large conversations. But he came.

On the one morning, I asked him to lead a 'happy hour styled' worship set, where we all stood around the keys, as we entered intimacy himself. The time was sweet, the Holy Spirit clearly present, when one of the girls asked to bring a prophetic word (my dear friend Proctor saw all this unfold, bearing in mind he had been a functional cessationist). When this French sounding tongue was delivered, I was definitely intrigued by what would happen next. Well, one of the French speaking Canadian planters stepped up and said that he had the translation of the word. This he gave. Afterward I asked him, with Todd present"why did he say translate, not interpret"? The reply was simple - "it was an older form of French that I could understand, which I then spoke out". Curiosity had already gripped Proctor's heart for more of the Holy Spirit. This was another moment to add to his story.

This insatiable curiosity can also be a foe to those who delight in the rhythms of religious repetition. The prophetic drive for more, can exhaust those less compelled by this adventure, seeking rather the well worn paths. That is not where you will find Proctor. He would rather be wrong on adventure, than be right in mediocrity. At times this curiosity has been costly. The loss of friends and co-laborers can be a deeply wounding result of this curiosity, but what does he do with this driving engine that keeps his leadership moving forward? There is no option. Even with this heavy price tag, obedience out weighs popularity. With tender tears and confusing consequences, he has held true to the path that the Father has set before him. For this I have the highest admiration and applause.

As a friend, Proctor stood with me through my decade of darkness. His love for Lisa and His "kiddos" is tangible and measurable. His love for Jesus is intoxicating and his love for the church is inspiring. You will rarely find him "walking backwards in the future". He is forever reaching into the mists of an uncertain future. Please don't ask him to paint the whole canvas. He does not think that is necessary. Crafting enough to see the next step, is sufficient for him. He delights in giving you the imagination room, to complete the creation, not imposing his lens on you. Spend time with him and you will leave feeling larger, compelled into uncertainty and dissatisfied by the stats quo that has held you captive.