Nerve

"The safest place for ships is in the harbor, but that is not why ships were built"

Anon

Saturday morning was wonderful.

I met Terry and Wendy Virgo in 1984. We visited them in their gorgeous home in Brighton in the UK. Funny how I remember arriving at Terry's home, on a beautiful summer's afternoon, finding Terry in the garden, reading a book. Little did I know that this quiet, humble Englishman would be like a father, a friend, a counselor and a sanity check for me over the next 34 years.

This past Saturday morning was special. It was a very informal breakfast with around 12 pastoral couples coming in to hang with Terry and Wendy. Over the years Meryl and I have hosted them many times, so you can imagine our joy at seeing them and getting the warm embrace of dear friends.

Listening to them tell their story again was intriguing. I had heard it many times before but this time it was different. Probably because of the place that I was emerging out of, I saw grace personified. As they spoke, with some 40 years of apostolic leadership over their shoulders, one could not be helped but be drawn into their orb of just how good God has been, just how beautiful the church is, just how amazing a life of obedience could look like, what a privilege leadership truly is.

But this essay draws me to a part of the informal conversation that really stirred me. As many of you know, life and ministry has certainly had its challenges. What I saw in Terry was a man of God who never lost his nerve to lead. With meekness and humility, he has put his head down in total obedience and has not wavered.

Hope swelled in my heart. Sadly my last decade was clouded by many moving parts but none as sublime as somehow surrendering my call to lead. Whilst fully believing in team- in marriage("is ChrisnMeryl one word?"), family (TeamWienand), community ("a church where everyone plays"), healthy God-life still needs government (Acts 20:17), headship (5:23) and the gift of leadership (Rom 12:8). Somewhere a line was crossed in which I surrendered my courage, passion, fortitude to lead. I had in fact, lost my nerve to lead. There are many reasons for that - internal and external. The dust storm raged around me. I struggled not to believe it.

Watching Terry on Saturday has added a weighty edge to my courage rediscovered. John Mark Comer recommended a book, that, whilst difficult to read, has reengaged me with the challenge to rediscover my nerve to lead also. Entitled "A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of Quick Fix": Edwin H Friedman (Organisational Consultant, Marriage and Family Therapist and Teaching Rabbi - I know, go figure!).

Friedman writes: "A regressive, counter-evolutionary trend in which the most dependent members of the organization set the agendas and where adaption is constantly towards weakness rather than strength, thus leveraging power to the recalcitrant, the passive aggressive, and the most anxious members of the institution rather than toward the energetic, the visionary, the imaginative and the motivated".

You see dear reader, there is a fierce onslaught against the beauty and wonder of true humble, meek, Jesus styled leadership. The all-out assault against courage, strength, leadership, is evident in families, churches and society in general. But there is a fresh prophetic call. The dark days are gifts to purify the soul. The raw defiled ambition, is systematically filtered out of the shaded soul. In its place emerges a purer heart of affection for Jesus. He can be enough. Then, out of these ashes rises a son, a daughter ready for that new adventure. A new exploration that can only be tackled out of a purer heart, truly ambitious for Jesus. Then we can lead again.

To quote Friedman again: "The emphasis here will be on strength, not pathology; on challenge, not comfort, on self-differentiation, not herding for togetherness".

It was through the tears of my own loss that I see it everywhere. I am not on a crusade to defy this drift. What I saw in Terry Virgo on Saturday, compelled me to get back into the saddle, and find my nerve again. There is still time. There are still seas to sail, lands to discover, the gospel to preach, peoples to meet, discovering the imagination of leadership again.

As Friedman simply stated: "You have to get before your people and give an "I have a dream' speech"...one more time.